Sunday, March 14, 2010

Intro to Biker Chick Adventures: 50 First Dates

I'm a biker chick. I'm also single. I hear over and over about women who get into riding because of their boyfriends or husbands. For me, a motorcycle has always been a requirement in a boyfriend. Some people think this is silly, but if there's something you love to do more than anything, and if it's your favorite hobby and your job, doesn't it make sense to want a significant other that shares the passion?

The problem here is that there aren't a lot of single women riding around on Harleys. Maybe that's an opportunity and not a problem. Guys can find women who don't ride, and if the women have no desire to ride their own, it isn't a big deal. Throw them on the back. While it's not impossible for a woman to do the same with a man, well, forget it. If you think that's an option, this blog is not for you.

Having a stringent requirement for dating cuts the pool down substantially. Because a lot of bikers go out for a ride and leave the wife/girl friend at home, finding a guy alone on a bike means nothing when trying to figure out who's single. I thought a place like eHarmony, that sells itself on how well it matches people, would have no problem coming up with some matches. Wrong. Even though I added "motorcycle" as a must-have, I never got any matches who rode. Good thing I didn't pay for that service.

I'm an extremely independent person, so making concessions on who I'm going to hang out with doesn't happen much. I've probably turned away far too many opportunities for minor reasons, probably because I feel like I have to work towards the end, the big "M". I've been engaged three times since 2001, and they're the only three guys I've dated in that time. I've broken off all three engagements, and I don't regret any of the break-ups. However, if I'm being honest with myself, I have to wonder how I manage to get into these committed relationships that should never have happened. Clearly I'd like to get married, but I'm not willing to compromise.

The answer: date without considering commitment. Just have fun. Meet guys. Drop the standard that if I don't think I'd marry him, I won't date him. Be more proactive in finding single bikers to date. Date 50 guys before the end of this riding season. Write about it. I might learn something about myself, and it will be entertaining, maybe even educational.

The rules
  • No sex (which I feel is a given, but it should probably be stated right up front in case you're thinking about volunteering)
  • The guy must be single: never married, divorced, widowed are all good; separated or "it's complicated" are not
  • I can date the same guy more than once, but dates 2 through ? are not counted in the total
  • No trashing any of the guys unless they're real jerks or placed less-than-honest dating profiles. Even then, I'll do my best to refrain.
  • Do my best to meet on the motorcycles
  • Write stories that could help both women and men learn something about dating
  • Anonymous for the guys
  • List subject to additions
Hang on! This should be fun.


Anonymous said...

I was really skeptical about this when I saw your facebook post...not that it is any of my business. But, I like your rules and methodology. I look forward to following along with this adventure.

Patty said...

I know some single guys who ride but they are several hundred miles away from your location. :-(

Stephen said...

This is going to be fun. I'm just worried that you won't have time to ride with your big brother!

Anonymous said...

Wow...3 engagements broken off in less than 10 years. Maybe you should take some time to figure out what's wrong with you instead of being so selfish and screwing up more people's lives.

Abby said...

I left a comment, but then deleted it after thinking more about it. Kind of like my past relationships: I jumped in too quickly and then thought better of it.

I don't think that calling off three engagements is a good thing. The second one was really hard, but he kept refusing to set a date or talk about the wedding, which told me that he didn't want to go through with it. He has since married a woman he was seeing for a much shorter time than we were together, so I have to believe they were a better match, and I didn't screw up his life. I'd be lying if I said it didn't hurt, but that's life.

As far as the other two, better a terminated engagement than a divorce, wouldn't you say?

I definitely have issues to work on. I'm not denying that. I said, "...I have to wonder how I manage to get into these committed relationships that should never have happened." I can see that it wasn't very clear. I was saying that I'm doing something wrong, and I need to do something "out of the box" so I don't stay in the same rut. I couldn't agree more.

But seriously, do you really think I'll screw up anyone's life by hanging out with them for a few hours? I don't have that much power.

Anonymous said...

Sounds as if you are in denial and running away from your own issues. In all your failed engagements, the common person is you. Apparently, you have not addressed all of your own issues. If you can't love yourself, how can you expect to love someone or be loved by someone? You ask how much can you screw someone up in a couple of hours? If you find the right guy, a couple of hours will lead to more time together. If you haven't worked through your own issues, you're destined to inflict more damage to yourself and/or him and then run away again. Stop being so selfish and desperate for attention and take the time to heal yourself and become the person you will be satisfied being. Maybe this is the "out of the box" thinking you need to get out of your "rut."

Abby said...

OK Doctor. Thanks for the free analysis. Now get a life.

Stephen said...

Ah....Anonymous...she's a writer. She's suppose to write. I'm interested in her blog. And besides saying "take time to get yourself straightened out", is like saying "we'll have babies when we can afford them". Never happens. You have baby's then you find a way to afford them. Like wise you don't live in a cave like a hermit to "get fixed". There ARE other blogs out there in cyber land where you can play Dr. Laura!

JerzeeGirl said...

Is it now turn to play Dr. Freud with regard to providing anonymous analysis? Pretty please??

BTW...looking forward to the adventures. I predict Joe31 will be a character!

momof3 said...

I really respect your "rules" for this project! I think the fact that you let the guys know what you're doing is respectable too! I hope you have fun & they are very fortunate you've giving them the opportunity to have a few hours with you too! I hope you make some great friends along the way. I'm very anti-guy bashing & so far I haven't seen any of that! I don't get from you that this is a way to find your soul mate (although, finding a super nice guy who loves you & rides & is chivalrous...who'd blame you for that?!) or fix yourself or hurt anyone!! Not sure why you'd be considered selfish...but, I don't think all those are your issues! We all have baggage girl, but fortunately we can let go of it! I hope they are all gentlemen who treat you like a lady!

KennyH said...

I agree, Abby, that a few hours does not ruin a life. Committing to a rocky relationship is not a good thing either. This is a fun read, no committment is implied at the outset. Maybe, Anonymous, you could share your insights on how to build healthy relationships, win friends, and influence people, since you seem to have that information? We all have issues to some degree, but we cannot control other people's issues. We have to either accept, tolerate, or reject those issues in others. One's own issues can be addressed, but changing them can require miraculous intervention. Thinking outside the box? I like it.

Anonymous said...

I started riding on my own a few years ago at age 50 and while I loved to ride since I was around 10 it was always just a bonus if a guy had a bike, but now? He MUST have a bike. My ad usually says something like "You must ride, not used to ride, not going to ride next year, no ride but I don't have a bike. Sorry if you don't ride at least as much as I do then you don't ride. Flat out simple."

Riding isn't a cute little hobby as I have had guys say to me. It's my lifestyle\

And NO smart a**, you can't ride bit**. I can MAKE you my bitch but no one gets on the back of my bike. lol

I hate dating, so I ride alone and with friends. That's it. I'm done with it all.