A comment was made on the blog today. It isn't unlike a few others I've received. In fact, it's very similar to one that an angry "Anonymous" made in the beginning, but it's said in a much more loving tone. Funny how that makes it more acceptable. Part of it irritates me, because it's more of the "you have to love yourself/find happiness within yourself" psychobabble that's been posted a couple of times.
Here's the comment:
I pray you find the peace & knowledge of self that only comes from seeking depth of experience rather than expanding your breadth of experience. And while I enjoy your blog, I hope you find what you are looking for; it won't be in another person unless you find joy & acceptance first with(in) yourself!
I am happy with my life. I do love myself. I love God/Jesus even more. In fact, that's what has made me finally happy with my life. So really, because I get irritated over things sometimes and want to write about it, it doesn't mean I'm miserable. It just means I'm telling a story about dating where I wasn't in total bliss. I suppose if I was a really good Christian, I wouldn't get pissed off, nor would I swear sometimes. But this is who I am. I try to focus on the really important stuff, and the details should fall into place at some point.
That being said, I totally agree that the numbers game is not working for me. After the Joe11/12 weekend, I started questioning if I want to continue. I do because I said I would. I want to complete the project. I just don't see the point in dating people I know I'm not interested in for the sake of crossing another one off the list. The irony of it is that in the midst of all this, I'm meeting single guys and getting to know them on non-dating basis. I like and respect them and have no desire to include any of them as Joes. And perhaps they'd want to date me, but they don't want to be Joes.
I'm done with the online shopping. I don't like bringing these people into my life without any context. So perhaps there will be another 37 dates, but I can't say that it will be this year. On the plus side, because of the push to meet people, I've expanded my horizons. I'm not sure it's all related, but I have more friends now than I've ever had in one place. There are a lot of great people around here, and yes, I'm really happy. I'm enjoying my life, my friends, my fellow riders. And I think it's a lot more fun as a single person than if I was hooked up with someone. Maybe that's it. After 12 Joes I've determined that I'm much more content on my own.
I have a trip coming up. My grandbaby will be born here shortly, and I'm flying back east to meet her. While I'm not certain it will happen, I'm considering purchasing an old POS Shovelhead while I'm there and riding it back. If you've read much of this blog, you probably find that amusing. I know I do. I think it would be a great adventure. My solo cross-country trip on my '01 Softail was the most amazing thing I've ever done. When I got home, I sat on the front porch for an hour before I'd go inside. I knew that I'd never have that same experience, the same first-time thrill. Making the 2,000 mile trip from New Hampshire back to Colorado will be a new experience. A little more daring, for sure. So this blog just might turn into Biker Chick Adventures: a Shovelhead and a Prayer.