Thursday, May 20, 2010

Rethinking it all

A comment was made on the blog today. It isn't unlike a few others I've received. In fact, it's very similar to one that an angry "Anonymous" made in the beginning, but it's said in a much more loving tone. Funny how that makes it more acceptable. Part of it irritates me, because it's more of the "you have to love yourself/find happiness within yourself" psychobabble that's been posted a couple of times.

Here's the comment:
I pray you find the peace & knowledge of self that only comes from seeking depth of experience rather than expanding your breadth of experience. And while I enjoy your blog, I hope you find what you are looking for; it won't be in another person unless you find joy & acceptance first with(in) yourself!

I am happy with my life. I do love myself. I love God/Jesus even more. In fact, that's what has made me finally happy with my life. So really, because I get irritated over things sometimes and want to write about it, it doesn't mean I'm miserable. It just means I'm telling a story about dating where I wasn't in total bliss. I suppose if I was a really good Christian, I wouldn't get pissed off, nor would I swear sometimes. But this is who I am. I try to focus on the really important stuff, and the details should fall into place at some point.

That being said, I totally agree that the numbers game is not working for me. After the Joe11/12 weekend, I started questioning if I want to continue. I do because I said I would. I want to complete the project. I just don't see the point in dating people I know I'm not interested in for the sake of crossing another one off the list. The irony of it is that in the midst of all this, I'm meeting single guys and getting to know them on non-dating basis. I like and respect them and have no desire to include any of them as Joes. And perhaps they'd want to date me, but they don't want to be Joes.

I'm done with the online shopping. I don't like bringing these people into my life without any context. So perhaps there will be another 37 dates, but I can't say that it will be this year. On the plus side, because of the push to meet people, I've expanded my horizons. I'm not sure it's all related, but I have more friends now than I've ever had in one place. There are a lot of great people around here, and yes, I'm really happy. I'm enjoying my life, my friends, my fellow riders. And I think it's a lot more fun as a single person than if I was hooked up with someone. Maybe that's it. After 12 Joes I've determined that I'm much more content on my own.

I have a trip coming up. My grandbaby will be born here shortly, and I'm flying back east to meet her. While I'm not certain it will happen, I'm considering purchasing an old POS Shovelhead while I'm there and riding it back. If you've read much of this blog, you probably find that amusing. I know I do. I think it would be a great adventure. My solo cross-country trip on my '01 Softail was the most amazing thing I've ever done. When I got home, I sat on the front porch for an hour before I'd go inside. I knew that I'd never have that same experience, the same first-time thrill. Making the 2,000 mile trip from New Hampshire back to Colorado will be a new experience. A little more daring, for sure. So this blog just might turn into Biker Chick Adventures: a Shovelhead and a Prayer.


Anonymous said...

great post
enjoy your trip and the adventure home however you get here

Patty said...

If you are living your life right and you and God are comfortable with what you are doing, then basically it is no one else's business.

Your stories are funny but more importantly, thought provoking. You looking into your life and your reasons for dating this guy or that guy or the reasons you liked or disliked a date made me think about my likes and dislikes.

Keep on keeping on. Perhaps someday our paths will cross and we can share a few miles together.

Anonymous said...

I think your rethinking is worth thinking about. For my part I cringe a little reading about your dates - for both parties. Oh, sure, I'll read 'em - just like I'll take a quick peek at a roadside wreck. But I think your writing talent is also being drained by the process you've chosen. I'd much rather read the long version of your cross-country run or about your bike shop days, or anything else where the pain or joy or thrill is less constrained than by 1 friggin' date. Also, dates are about possibilities, and you've pretty much told us that the possibles in your life aren't gonna make the page...or maybe not without some real editing.

I know you do want to have another reason to write. I just hope you find a better one than this, and let this come to a merciful end. Of course, I know you will only do what YOU want to, so good luck in whatever that is. I'll keep lookin' in regardless.

Respectfully, Red Rider

Anonymous said...

Stoppin' by on your site. Don't know when I'll be back. Got this to say ...

There's more to life than all these guys - most of them are a waste of your time. Seriously ... don't you think? What about the regular people on your trips? What about the wind in your face .. and the sun? It's good - that you've got a handle on God. But talk more about the marrow of life.

And ride west of Colorado baby!! You've barely even pushed your way into the real west. Burn some asphalt... all the way to CA. Who knows what you'll find out here?


Abby said...

I'm with you - both of you. It was fun in the beginning, but now it's starting to remind me of interviewing people for a job when you know you aren't going to hire them. It's wasting everyone's time.

I'll still be writing here, but I'm not sure where it will go. There will probably still be some dating, but just for the sake of writing about good rides more than anything.

I've been west of Colorado. I plan on doing more. I wasn't going to ride back to New Hampshire because I don't want to waste my time in the Midwest, but I think it will be cool that someday my granddaughter can say that her "Bebe" rode her Harley out from Colorado to see her when she was born.

As far as California goes, been there, won't make any huge effort to go back. I'm sure there are a lot of great places I didn't see, but it was probably the worst couple of days of my trip in '07. I'm more likely to hit Oregon and Washington some time soon, as I've never ridden in those states, but I've been there and know it's beautiful.

Red, thanks for stopping by and giving me your input. I plan on working on the book on my trip. I'm hoping that being back on the road for an extended trip will help the words flow. I'm not making concrete plans to be anywhere, so if I find a nice picnic bench by a cool mountain stream, I'll stop and work on the book. It's getting there; it really is. I'm just hung up in a few places and need a hammer to pound them out.

Anonymous said...

My sincerest apologies if my previous comment(which inspired an entire entry on your blog)was ever construed as "psychobabble." It was never intended as such; rather I simply believe in quality over all things, especially men. I also am a strong advocate for both roots and wings...the trick being finding the perfect balance between the two. Best of luck in your journey on and off the road & enjoy the tar outta the new grandbaby!!!

Abby said...
This comment has been removed by the author.