Saturday, April 3, 2010

Online dating, instant gratification, and judgment

I'll be leaving here in a bit to meet Joe5, but I have a few minutes to kill and wanted to write down some thoughts on online dating. Yesterday I was wishing I'd never started this, just because it's a lot of work. Today I'm really glad I did, because I've had this epiphany that I think is important. This is the part where I'm learning something.

I read a profile on one of the sites recently. The guy gave a laundry list of what was acceptable and what wasn't. Being married before was a requirement, but the woman couldn't be engaged 3 or 4 times, because that meant she had issues. Huh? Yes, I have issues. But do you really believe that someone who has been married, and now isn't, doesn't have issues? There were other requirements on the list, and the whole thing ended up with him stating that he wanted women to write but not to be offended if he hit the delete key.

I wrote anyway, and I was perfectly honest with the guy. He asked for honesty. And he hit the delete key. Had I been searching for The One, I never would have bothered; he came across as an arrogant SOB who was never going to be satisfied. Anyone who has a list of what they'll accept and what they won't accept clearly has issues of his own, so there's that whole goose/gander thing going on. But because I'm going on 50 first dates, what's the harm? As Rainman and I like to say, without adversity, you can't have a good story.

A couple of things crossed my mind:

1. I could have lied. If I fed him the lines he wanted to hear, would that have suited him?

2. Online dating has become the fast food of relationships. Here's the menu, and if you don't have the ingredients I want, or you have some I don't like, I'm not choosing you.

That's when it became very clear to me that this 50 dates concept is not as crazy as it sounds. I'm going out with people I would have passed over before. I think I'm an awesome person (despite what Anonymous had to say about me), and how many guys are making a judgment based on nothing more than a photograph and a paragraph, both of which could be total bullshit - or which might make me look like less than a good catch.

I'm not saying that someone is out of line if they list a couple of "must-haves" or "must-not-haves," but there's got to be a limit somewhere. Cowboy up! Take a few chances. Arrange a short first meeting. Make sure you won't run into anyone you know. Would you rather stay home and watch NCIS reruns?

Dating is hard work. Sometimes you get rejected, and sometimes you have to let someone else down. You get your hopes up... or you can be totally surprised - in a good way! Even if you don't find love, maybe you'll meet someone you enjoy riding with.

Carpe diem!

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Cowboy up.. i love it. My list is pretty short, and the list of the dude i'm currently seeing is was pretty short to.. i think you're right.. meet them with out much of a list and go from there. hope the wind didn't take you back to kansas...again. :)